ts_o_b

Marking the end of 2009...

2009-12-14T23:54:00.006+08:00

Hey all
its been over a mnth since i blogged.. its going to be my resolution post..its gonna be long k..

Before i start, whatever has happened written here its not meant to offend but just my thoughts on the year. If u know its u i spoke abt, i dont hold any grudges against u, and what has happened is part of my memory. Many things i say are my personal choice and i do hope that my friends here will still accept me for who i am no matter what i choose to put up of myself.

Time and Time again I come to the point where i see myself in the dead end of things. I wonder how many can just take life so simply and still not worry of what lies ahead, still they manage to live comfortably.

The year of challenges was more directing upon my own weaknesses and ability to sustain a season. Many have passed on; with barely an inch of failing. Some still in progress; i've pushed aside hoping it will disappear, and the few i am still fighting in my silence.

I stepped into the year with 1 aim, to go all out in what i wanted to do with no regrets. I never endorsed a resolution cause i know i would once again fail myself.
I've learnt many things, seen quite a bit, experienced and even cast aside the ups and downs of what life can do to you. All within the year.

Home never seem so invisible to me before. But now i know how some people feel. The feeling of just getting out and not wanting to come back. The dynaics of my household has changed tremedously. The once idea of my condo apartment to be the oasis of tired pleople sometimes feel like a battlefield or even a courtroom.

My relationship with my sis has always been cordial. And many times, i think i'd prefer it that way. I wonder how people can respond to things without considering what may happen. Nevertheless just put some thought into things. Thats my sis, hush in action and a mere angle in need. Since young i've always found myself in the losing and giving end with her. My perception of letting things go has come to an end. I forbid her emotions to affect me anymore.

Dad seem kike the biggest burden this year. His stroke in aug and then in oct seem like a restless period. No rest for me since may coz of long hours for SAFday and NDP rehearsals). The demand to be at the hospital everyday was tiring and draining. I've lost my father in it all. The lack of commitmentt to look up to him has faded away despite his disabilities. If i had the choice, i'd leave it all totally. It seems selfish but i even wonder if i need to rely on the father figure anymore. THe sad part of it all is the chance to start afresh never came to his mind. THe attitude towards life seem that he rather give it up. O dont blame him for the feeling but the demand of putting the rest of the home to make us feel bad, i do.

My greatest disappointment is Mum, The one i thought i'm closest to seem so far. It kind of sad when u just cant be totally honest towards someone anymore. Many times i think she focuses on the less important things to much and feels too overwhelmed with everything else.
Somewhere this year she has been connering me over the smallest things. I do get irritated most of the time, but i know she is probably the onli one ive got at home. I long for the time where she will accept me for who i am and what i wish to be. She may not agress to it but at least i still have her love as my mother still.

I at home have not been all that goodie-two-shoes. Especially towards the 2nd half of the year. All that has been happening, the fighting at home, the mess and insecurity that has become of the family, i decided to be less than bothered. Its not that i dont care, but i realised that all my efforts to help and advice seem so insignificant and what ever i do at home dont seem to matter to anyone. Thus my actions now.

Work has somewhat been in slow progress this year. I realised that personal preference sometimes work over ur ability. Nowhere at work is as sincere as u may want it to be.. However i do aprreciate the few moments where i've learnts a lot more about ensemeble playing and especially in the quintets. 7 more months to survive in the army and i am kinda looking forward to it.

Apart from camp, thats where i enjoyy my work load. My busy time was during the SYF competition period. Running from school to school to teach. Really enjoy interacting with the school kids. In march, finally my dearest Alumni Band could showcase a little during the hai Sing Carnival. It was a tough project for me personally, but really glad i did it. My bigest highlight was the Hai sing's 50th anniversary gala performance. really felt good. Once again its another collaboration i organised, runned, and conducted on my own. And finally i premiered the school song for band and choir. Just wonder how much i am aprreciated in all these?

Amazingly, the year bought me to meet a lot more people. of a number i start to call friends. As i step deeper in the AJ circle, i mostly have friends from there. My weekends mostly revovle hanging out with my closer friends; out to drink, shop and definitely club. I realised that this is my peak of my life in its social aspect. From the past, i always thoght that my closer firends were always going to be my best friends. But pweople change as u move on to different places after u leave school or work. But now i found that m current social group can understand me. Though i must admit that many are not the best in character, there is when i filter my friends, there are the few i know whom will be there for me and look after me.

On the contrary, somehwere mid this year i thought ti found the best friend i;ve always wanted.. But i guess it was my blinded eyes seeking for a besti so desperately. It was a difficult friendship and it did not end well. This is when i realised that there are many different ones out there and no one will be perfect for u. Its the combination of different people who make u whole and compatible.

Support seems like the thing i really need from people mmuch more from friends. I dont this i am as materialistic or superficial, but one thing i appreciate is a true friend whom is there to listen and support. And i think i kinda need my own sourece to share with people rather than always the other way round.

Early this year, i finally decided to leave ministry. It was a long 1 1/2 years until i finally left. I guess i did not want to be selfish towards the members bercause cell was their well being. But finally i had to let go. Initially it was coz i did not have time for them. But my heart and mind was in a wrong state. Soon after i atop attending my ns cell and service completely. I looked at how superficial people took things for. And it questioned my heart about what a sheperd is. The first few years in ministry, i guess i tried to be as sincere as i could, But i think i ended up faking it through intellectual advice. Sometimes i really wonder how blessed people were with what i gave? Its going to be shocking for many who have known me. I left church not because i was ashamed of being aj.

I never felt so inedequate in my life when i'm church. Moreover, through the tough times at home, it seemed like i was the onli one who did not compromise church. It was what i thought made me strong. But i realised i was onli forcing muself to put up a strong front. I decided to stop.

Love and Romance, I guess to many is the mst juicy of topics in anyone's life. Something i have long ti experience again after a number of years. Not so fortunate in this area this year. I've had 1 or 2 innocent flings but nothing workied from just that friendship.
In the 2nd half of this year, i thought i found the one. I guess i fell too much for this person i hurt myself even befoe much could even happen. We seem tokick off pretty ok as a pair. But i guess i'm not meant to be. To be honest, this is one person i thought was really fitted for. But unfortunately it will never be what i expect and want it to be. I still do care You and i treasure that many moments together. I would never say i have moved on totally cause i had put a part of my heart to love u before. And u will always be a part of it even in the future.

No i am not desperate. I just want to find someone who is going to love me for as much i am ready to someone back. Sont get me wrong, i'm not implying to any random person who suddenly approaches me. But someone whom i am going to hold hands and give never ending smiles to. Someone i will be putting my time worth for. Someone who will share what i can give and in return too.

I have not given up on the idear of love. though most of my situationsin it never seem to show a bright of day at the end. I guess i am just not fitted to personality for anyone now. Its ok, i guess i just have to face the strokes of reality for now.

On a lighter side, many of my friends areund a slowly finding their love.It seems like 'going-steady' season again.. But i am really happy for them. Its always nice to see people happy and settled. I know how it feels when u are in love. Its totally awesome.

I guess for myself, the year seem to just past. full of activities and events. Among the most stressfulto face and sometimes quite dramatic. I must say its a year of lack of sleep too! But mostly enjoyed my regular hangouts.

All that is said.. i really hope who ever reads this will still accept me for who i am and who i wish to be. I'm sorri if i disappointed the some of u after reading this. But i guess this is kinda who i am for now. And i sincerely hope that it does not defer our friendship coz i am still the same Jon that u people know.

At this juncture, i'm still not too sure what i want to aim for in 2010. Though many plans to exxcel in my music studies. But yet to decide on a resolution.
2010 would be a grounding year for me. as i turn 21 and i officially ORD from army. Where my work and serious study start. Whats in store? What i really plan to do? i am not to sure yet. But for all its worth, i've to make it a better year for myself and a fabulous one to experience.

Before chirstmas comes and the year come to an end, i'd hope to thank my dearest friends for being there for me and sharing the many fun and upsetting times this year. I will definitely thank u all personally.

Its been a very interesting year and a once in a lifetime chance to see through. As as i move into a new season, i sincerely hope for the best for the family, my friends and myself and may all our deepest desires and dreams come true. =]

[Joni] Dec '09

(enjoy the few pics below of my '09)

BAND

FRIENDS

=]

had it!...

2009-11-10T22:18:00.002+08:00

Hi all

yet another update... well lots of ranting in this post again... but seems like that is what i usually do in blog rite.. sad but true...

well october has finally passed and its already the 10th!...time flies really.. but somethings just dont pass as fast i want to.

Well summerize things for u so its easier to read, somethings just not really meant to be in detail here...

k,finally up rank le.. means i should get like 20bucks more? 'wohoo?... -.-" '

so somethings have been happening.. seems like i have to be a lot more vocal lately.. not a really good thing also.. i'm usually less noisy unless i'm entertaining.. but i have seen myself complaining a lot.. i usually can take it and just keep things within myself.. but i'm just getting fustrated with how things are around me.. WHY!!!

One thing after another. really. its no joke..

Update... I have not had much rest since... eh... my birthday!? thats like first week of may... u know why?... coz thats when my weekends burn for NDP... and then.. after NDP, my dad had a stroke.. so daily visits after work and stuff.. just when he came back, barely 2 weeks, he had another stroke... its never ending!

and i feel so trapped with everything that is happening.. i dont even have the freedom to do something at my own atonomy!

k, so lately i have been busy preparing for the hai sing 50th anniversary gala performance... how i wish i could just go there and conduct.. teach the music.. but no, i end up doing everything else.. gosh...coz no one wants to take the responsibility of the alumni and even the main band anymore... its kinda sad, coz i see lots of demands from the members, things they want to see happening, but no one offered a hand in it.. onli having to be asked for help. there again, this is not the first, and not the 2nd alumni involved performance where i am doing this alone.. and it is definitely tiring... WHY CANT PPL HELP!!!
and of coz getting the nagging from the school teachers for things...

I've kinda had it le... i think i just need to let this go and focus on teaching music and teaching band... i really cant handle taking on the role of a conductor and run the band with a 1 man committee.. i am killing myself... so lets see who is 'responsible' enough to even try...

k, i cant wait for my holiday which is the few hours after the gala perf... 5 days in hong kong with my besti Dickson... it'll be a good breather for me.. i seriously need a break...

k la.. myeyes are shutting coz i had a long day on duty yest and today a parade... seeya soon!...

its a long long journey...

2009-10-18T15:41:00.005+08:00

Hey all

I'm back..

This last month has been a pretty tiring month. Physicially and Emotionally... its been tough, squeezing off every ounce of energy i have...

the last month or so, have not been feeling all that well. been in and out of fever, headaches, colds, soarthroats, and just fatigue..and i know it wont go away anytime soon...sighz...

Have been doing really tiring parades under the sun, really tanned now...i hope things will slow down soon...

Dad is finally home from the hospital after 2 1/2 months... quite a number of adjustments to be made at home. i am just not ready for another 'commitment' at home. to have to pick up after him. well most of the things are done by my maid, but the pressure is still at our shoulders.

My sis is also not really contributing much to ease anything.Just really pissed with her all the time. her attitude and character is just worse than mood swings.. more like a psycopath... I try not to bother.. but she is just making things so difficult. Is it always so easy to blame ppl, where u dont realise u are the cause of most of the problems! If i could say it, i'll tell u 'fuck care, and leave, u always think no one cares for u, then leave, thats what u prefer too, since u always complain abt the family' If u ever read this KIM, FUCK U! i had it with u. u dont realise how much mummy and daddy especially does for u. the amount of time, energy and money spent on u. They even spent so much money to put u to a university and u wasted it by not completing. u said u wanted to do it, but u countered back and said u were forced. u freaking dint even complete u O levels and u want to fight back and think u are smarter? please, u need wake up call, period.
U can carry on saying to everyone the things u say abt me, how u publicise abt me. But it seems that that is the onli thing u can say rite? coz u have nothing credible to fight on. U may be phsycally stronger and fight, u can shout as loud at anyone, but u can never outwin those who have brains and can think for themselves. u will eventually loose and u will be outcasted. u will never win, coz nth u seem to do makes sense. I really wonder why u need so much attention? u have enough, there is nth more anyone can give u, coz nth u ask for will come, since u never appreciate things, and u expect everything to just work for u. Reality check. this is no fairy tale. So wake up asshole!

My personal life is not all that awesome also, but i have come to that point where i know i cant get what i want, not most of the time. Its really fine, coz i know that life is always unfair, just a matter of how bad it can be. Well for me, i think, its a more like i am meant to run this life much less than on my own.

Well, on a lighter side, i'm planning a trip to Hong kong with Dickson in Nov.. it should be fun bah. i seriously need a break from everything. like a real break, some space to breath and really settle my mind to things...

K, so my biggest project now is the HSC 50th anniversary gala dinner perf. lots to do, organise and plan. and i really hope it'll be a good perf.

Oh, some pictures of the chamber concert i did last mth..

yea, well, finally to all that has been happening, this is the most dear to my heart lately.. "F", u know who u are, if u ever read my blog that is. I know its been really hard for u. i understand.. and i am still here for u, as i said before, i'll wait for u right here, i'm always a buzz away.
But through it all, for the past 3 weeks or so, i get this feeling i am no longer part of that fond feeling anymore. More like a memory waiting to fade away, and u just need to keep away. and its ok. i understand. I've been on my own for a long time.and i know i dont deserve u either. I treasure the time we had, and it was something i knew was great, and i really enjoyed myself with u. somethings i have never felt before. As cliche as it sounds, there is some truth in the experience. I'm not here letting u go, but just telling u that it is fine that i'm not the one u desire.
U know i will never lie to u, and i rather be honest abt my feelings too. And its not been the easiest of weeks for me too, but i respect how u feel, and really dont want u to worry abt me, u have ur weight of burden, i'm sorri i sound selfish. i hope this doesnt weigh anything lesser than what we may have had and things will be good. (ok, i know everything sounds so vague, so ask me if i'm bluring the intentions of the msg k). For what its worth, i'll still be here for u, and i'll still be waiting for that buzz yea.

I am here...

2009-10-04T17:11:00.004+08:00

If only you knew how much i miss you.

The cry within my heart even in a facade of silence.

I know i'm no better than anyone else, much less in the reality of things.

But you know i'll always be here, waiting for you.

When you are ready,

I am here...

[Joni]

1 month quick review...

2009-09-26T09:08:00.003+08:00

Hey all

Its been almost a month since i last blogged...

well.. some updates...

k, so my paternal grandfather passed away last sunday...I was at the wake everyday till the funeral on thursday... Kinda tired and stuff also.. with all the Bhuddist prayers and stuff... I'm the DaSao..

Had my Chamber Concert on that same thursday as well...

k, so Unlce shuboh and the whole family is in town since sunday... So i'll be going out with them later...

Some of my weekend parties too...lots of bdays, especially 21st s!!!!!

Ishita(bday girl) & I

Birthday Boy XinKai & I

With Trevel

haha.. i am amazingly red here.. i think i started a bit to earli, if u know what i mean...

Felix & I ... =]

so later going out shopping first and then a stay over at XinKai's for his birthday Party!... wah! i so need sleep!!! haha...

Happy Birthday Dickson...

2009-09-02T10:33:00.003+08:00

Hey all

OMG!!its so long since i updated..

haha..

ok, so some updates since..

Dad is still in the hospital. as of today it will be 23 days in hospital le.. little progress though..

Ohh yes, HAPPY BIRTHDAY DICKSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so, have been busy with stuff at work as usual, Army Open house is this thursday to monday.. cant wait for that to end! haha
So i am not selected for the Nan Chang China trip... kinda upset abt it, and how we were selected for it though.

So the week after WJ birthday, hmmz... well, i kinda got wasted again..oppz... i dint get drunk, just high.. see this is what happened on that sat..

I met clement in the taxi, he had some booze in a bottle and we started drinking that, imagine in the taxi.. haha..then we went to tantric, where we met James and Tonky.. They bought singapore sling and some other strong drink..that was kinda enough for me also... BUT!, then Wei Jie and XinKai came down to meet me, they came to buy me drinks... omg!!!

i agreed. they got one Blue splint(stong, and something i dont really like) and WHite Chocolate Martini,i LIKE!!!
and then they went crazy with 3 more BLUE SPLINTS!!! ARGH!!!!!

k, so sunday went to the Sentosa. With WeiJie,Xin kai, DenDen,Alvin and Rufus(the dog)
it kinda rained and spoilt the day out.. so we headed back to xinkai's to wash up. Headed to bugis in the evening to have steamboat, Imran and Trevel joined us too

...

so last weekend, kinda a disappointment over my meetings and outings and planz... everything got changed! sighs...

k,, so some pics from sat...

Henry & I

Esther & I

Felix & I

Me,Henry,Esther,Desmond

so i guess thats it since then...nth really much...haha

Wei Jie's 24th birthday...

2009-08-17T18:56:00.008+08:00

Hey all

Finally NDP is over! wohoo!!!!
Really happy its over.. Now i can focus on my other things too! haha

Ok, so this weekend, celebrated my bud, Wei Jie's Bday...

some pics below yea... =]

On Sat, went to meet Benji first in the afternoon..someone was late!! haha..walked around first.. i finally bought my suspenders! haha

Finally in the evening, we had dinner first.. at HK cafe..

TianShun & I

Benji & I

Buddy Wei Jie (Bday Boy) & I -- all dressed up

Group Pic!

Then it was time to PARTY!!!

Daniel, Eugene, Me

Me, Esther, Charlie

Benji & I

Joshua & I

The big heavy cake which i had to carry from paragon!

Benji,Robin,Clement&I-WATERFALL!...

Blaise & I

Bryan & I

Bday boy & I

Steve & I

Clement & I- Argh i am being squeezed by chicken little!

Going crazy lah..

Phillip & I

Ming Hong & I

Eli & I

Calvin,Me,Joel,Ruby

My really best pal Benji...

Botak boy & I

Dear Ruby & I

Me,Robin,Yang

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BUDDY!...

k, so sunday was the actual bday day... i brought Wei Jie and Xinkai to swiss o'tel merchant court for high tea.. then we went to watch dvd at cine... and of coz the temptation to club.. and thats what we did.. lolz... but we stayed out till 2.30 onli.. all kinda tired and stuff also..

well it was one stressed and eventful weekend.. i hope u enjoyed urself wei Jie...
Woah i realised 1 whole blog post dedicated to u lehs.. haha

Pictures!!...

2009-08-06T14:13:00.004+08:00

Hey all

Its a few days away to NDP! yay! and its finally gonna be over! cant wait for that to happen!!

i owe everyone a lot of photo updates! so here goes.. haha..

on 25th July

WeiJie,me,XinKai

Me,Yang,Dennis,XinKai,Steven,Esther,WeiJie

Group Photo!

Buddy Wei Jie and I

(clockwise)Me,Henry,Joel,Esther,Wing,Thomas

On 2nd Aug!

AhBoy,Me,Shah,Phillip,Joel,Calvin

Group Pic.. Shah looks funny!

(clockwise) WeiJie,Joel,Calvin,Joshua,XinKai,Dennis,Esther,Me

=]

Those were some pretty fun Evenings!!

So yesterday i had a halfday, met with WeiJie and Xinkai first for a super late lunch.. Later met with Josh and Esther, Went to watch "the Hangover' at cine..was a good laugh.. haha...

went for supper at meridian foodcourt and then hanged out at starbucks and outside PS after...

XinKai & me

Blaise,WeiJie,Me,Joshua,XinKai

=]

Buddy & Me

Group Pic! Blaise,Xinkai,WeiJie,Esther,Joshua,Me

yupz... cant wait for NDP to end as i mentioned... the week after is my Bud, wei Jie's bday.. hmmz.. lots to plann.. haha...going to dinner and club that evening..i hope i dont go wacked and drunk!..
will update more soon =]

lost...

2009-07-27T23:46:00.002+08:00

Hey all

its me.. yes i'm still alive lo..
but the blog is dying..

the last 2 weeks have been pretty mundane as usual..
i'm officially out of cash..and have been tapping on money i should not even be touching.. omg... i'm so dead! pay day pls come fast lehs!...

lately i've been in a world of a real unknown.. gosh, i'm doing so many things, but i have no idea for what anymore...i dont regret what i'm doing though..
the time i'm spending with my buddy and my other pals..
but i feel a bit out of focus with things...lets just say i want real things to happen for me soon... not like some expected program at work... something extreme for me, jsut me onli... i need a new change!or more like Something new!

hmmz... my future is still very blured out... it goes nothing future than whats going happen tomorrow.. gosh.. kinda lost with life... Bummer!...

path of life...

2009-07-15T10:40:00.004+08:00

Hey all

the last week has been trerribly tiring... not a lot of work though.. but a lot of chionging and late nights...

I finially finished all my dine-in performances. phew... that was a real dread...

NDP is almost here.. and i am just counting down to the day when its all over. I am usually very patriotic on national day. But being involved in ine this year, i totally hate it now. the many months of training for the big day is actually quite useless to me me though.. i see the lack of proper planning by some people, requires such long rehearsals; it can be done really fast.
thankfully i'm doing it only once in NS.

Sat's rehearsal ended really really late. It was the NE show for the pri 5 students. Wow, they were really really annoying. I totally understand it though. They cant appreciate parades. Laughing at all the funny commands. Sreaming at the cannon salutes. repeating commands after the parade i/c.
well they are kids.. i don think i can even remember what was happening during my pri 5 NE show. Just knowing i reached back at school super late at 11+pm, seeing my dad sitting at the foyer steps to drive me home.(wow, it jsut hit me tat 11+pm then was considered super late =\)

So of coz i chionged on sat night, ... drank a little too much too, was kinda tired and totally pissed about the planning of NDP, i got a little high... got home at 5am. And i had to be back in camp in the late morning on sunday for another presidential garden reception. I was totally not expecting this. My dad knocked on the door at 6.30 am! i was going to scream when i hear the door knock; i just got to bed! but he asked if i needed a lift to work! WOHOO.. save me 1 1/2 hours of travelling and more sleep.. THANKS DAD!

that whole day was totally horrible. i kinda had a really bad hangover which wouldnt go...i onli became better around 7pm! k, so i kinda chionged that night also, to 2 different places summore...but it was ok bah... after that the group of us went to lau pa sat for 'morning supper'. thankfully Yang drove me home.. got back at 6am! wahaha..

Monday was totally sleep day for me =]

Went out on tuesday.
Met with Esther in the morning at sengkang.. went to punggol beach =] was really nice and quiet there..attepmted to fly ourr kite there but the wind wont last.. so we kinda gave up and decided to wade in the water! haha.then we slacked off at compassvale. went to clerk quay to buy some really nice sweets @ Sticky...and slacked off at the pier... some pictures!

@ Punggol Beach

Ms Esther Goh

King of the Rock?..lol

Posing or scraching leg?

The rocks around are super nice lahz..

Off to Clerk Quay

k, evening met up with Wei Jie and Ben for dinner at Ceni...so we decided to watch a movie.. well DVD rather.. watch Marley & Me.... aww!!! sobz sobz.. really nice show...then after, we went to heeren to have coffee..
Haiyo those 2, funny lahz.. nice couple.. =] OH YA, WE FORGOT TO TAKE PHOTO AGAIN!!!!...

---------------------------------------------------------------------

I've been on my own for so long now. i dont have to walk down a street to see what i want, i see it when i'm with my friends; people i'm with. Longing for so many things i know i will never get. i looked in the mirror and assessed myself, and i have accepted the fact of who i am, how i am, what i am. In my head, i tell myself i have to accept myself for my material self. How i look, how i behave, my character, my emotions.

(No, to advertising the shoe, took it at the beach..)

In my heart, it tells a different story. I know i can change the way i am. the spot i am in. I can change the way i look, the way i act, the way i behave.
Something so personal, but one of the hardest things to do in this world.

To me its, me, myself against the world.

dots...dots...dots...

2009-07-07T11:04:00.004+08:00

Hey all

k, update the old post first...

some pictures with esther on our little outing to Max Branners..

the dessert!!

Sinful indulgence!

Was a nice evening

nothing happening much the last few days though..Sat NDP rehearsal as usual.. with the NE show 1..

i'm on off today.. but super sian, no one to go out with sia... haiz..

Long, tough, Emotional, tired, depressed...

2009-07-03T09:18:00.004+08:00

Hey all

another long time since i last posted..

eh, have been really busy with work.. Finally SAFday is over on wednesday... now just left with 3 dine-ins and NDP... sadly my saturdays are still going to be burnt coz of NDP stuff.. sighz...

lots have been happening...as usual i became a little emo lately also coz of some social issues i had... very depressed and disheartening lo... but i have to learn how to let go, at the expense of a friendship... its hard, and i dont know how can anyone want to let go friendship. haiz..

ok.. so the last weekend after NDP rehearsal, rushed down for Colin's Bday... some picture updates!

Jonathan, me, clement

Me,Benjamin,Cheris,Matthew,Samuel,(dunno his name),Gabriel

Colin,me,Clement

Me with the birthday boy

realised i looked super red in all the photos? haha..

well due to many reasons... i was really tired from NDP rehearsal and i had quite a number of different drinks.. and coz i got sunburnt also! i look like a tomato!!! so red!!

yea, next few weeks, will be NE shows at marina patform le.. i foresee it will all be long nights.. dunt know if i can go out le.sobz,...

well yest went out with Esther and her Uni mates for a movie and walked around town a bit.. after,we left the group, went to have tauhui at selegie, haha kinda our dinner... Headed down to Esplanade to sit at the pier... really nice there lolz....Then i brought her to max Branners.. had a really sinful waffle dessert and oreo choco drink! wohoo!! sugar high!!! haha.. was a nice evening! yea will upload the photos when i get it from Esther tonight!

so long no update!...

2009-06-21T21:17:00.004+08:00

Hey all

Gosh, its been like more than 2 weeks since i blogged...

and nobody seem to care.. hmmz.. interesting...

anyways..

life have been really rushed and busy for me!.. oh manz...

Preparing for SAFDAY and NDP.. its no joke, the whole day gone, for the weeks for practice... and not to mention the SUN IS NOT HELPING TOO!!!

yea, another 1 week or so to SAF day and things will be better bah...and its just NDP to focus on... my SATs are still burnt from NDP though...

other than that, nothing really much though...

I have been spending many of my evenings eithr sleeping or really chionging outside with friends for movies or shopping.. haha...

well, at least i am kept occupied with things also, or else i'll be so dead emo all the time too...

transformers is coming out this tues! a MUST WATCH! and of coz ice age in 1 week's time... wohoo.. i have been quite a movie buff too.. GOSH< no money liao.. haha...

ok, so for ur info, if u would like to know, i am doing ok, just a little burntout from all the rehearsals.. but i'm doing ok! =]

Blood...

2009-06-05T13:57:00.002+08:00

Hey all..

this week surprisingly has been a really slack week. strange.. haha.. but have been doing a lot of personal stuff too.. at least is have time to do my own stuff also...

I have finally published my music arrangement =]..... now in the process of my composition ..

today, going out with Daniel, Benji and Ivan in the evning for dinenr and movie... going to watch Blood-the last vampire.. hope its good...

i stumbled onto this Vid... Nobody in english! haha
specially dedicated to my Batch 77!! since we are all hooked onto the song! wahaha..

just overwhelmed...emotionally...

2009-05-31T21:37:00.006+08:00

Hey all

here to update again.. i realised i havent written anything for a long long long long time.. just that i have been lazy to update... omg.. i hope i am not losing the passion the blog anymore..

ok so some updates since after my bday weekend party..

Nothing much have been happening at work.. the usual stuff though... parades, welcome ceremonies, and the botanical gardens performance. Well, this week went down to tekong for the BMT band auditions. nice to see some farmiliar faces there too...nice to be back there too...

My sats now are practically sold to the army to have NDP rehearsals.. but i force myself into going out at night with my frens till late.. hoping to get everything off my mind..

Well...emo stuff later, on the lighter side, i had a day out with my buddy esther on friday!

Haha.. planned to go to botanical gardens with lunch picnic, but an emergency cropped up with here family side, so i accompanied her to settled it.. but she still wanted to go to botanical gardens.. so we did, with tea instead.

Really nice sights there... some pics..

At the main gate

this is rally nice pic, right esther!? coz i'm the photographer! wahah!!

oh yes, we attepted to fly a kite.. but not much wind, so it kinda failed

scenic...

A bit of CamWhoring while having a picnic

Was a good day out!

Yup, my day off was good, Thanks esther for hanging out with me yea!

ok, so the last 2 weeks have been emotionally challenging for me...a lot in my mind, and wil share some stuff here, some not really ready to publicly say, but if u want to know then ask me personally.

I realised how bad a situation i am in.. first comes family.. omg, i know i shouldnt be complaining and be thankful for the things i have,.. but omg! everyone in my family has super big flaws which is super irritating... my mum, dad and sis.. and they dont even realise they are doing wrong, or affecting ppl! All the big talk abt advice and morals, when u dont even live up to what u preach, and u expect ppl and ME for the matter to listen and follow.. I will sigh under my breath,shake my head many a times, and get irritated... Y am i stuck with ppl like these...summore my immediate family!

well, i have been trying to drown myself away from things on my mind through ate nights out. especially the last few weekends... but seems many attempts just makes me recollect it.. keep failing... i guess ur nightmares and emo thoughts just comes back to haunt u all the time, no way to run.. when u get so deep into it, u cant hide...

Personally also, i have been trying to find things out for myself...not going to say much here.. onli in private if u ask k.. but i realised i'm not meant to have many things too.. based on situations i'm in, or coz i'm permanently stuck in a place where it wont improve. just have to fight my way out...

ARGH!!! omg.. i am just emotionally overwhelmed now...i cant even work properly! i even have to appear like everything seems alright, but within i'm just crushed with so many thoughts and grieviance.. everything is affected...just hate it...

How i just need someone to listen to me, talk to me about things that is happening to me... and still not judge me after what i have to say.. and not reply with the comment "everyone goes through things like this" coz i freaking dont care.. i am stuck with my problems, so deal with me first!...i just need that shoulder to cry on...

stuck alone...

My 20th Birthday...

2009-05-18T19:43:00.005+08:00

Hey all

its after 2 weeks from my bday.. and here are some updates...

since my last update... I have been partying quite a bit.. haha...

The weekend of my bday.. friday, Clement brought me out to club.. apparently some KL DJ there.. but he was totally horrible.. however, i got kinda wasted.. oh gosh! bad bad!!! reached home late too.. Thanks clement for looking after me...

On sat, went for Conrad's bday dinner at sharngri-la 'the line'

Me, Wei Loong, Conrad, Marcus

Wei loong & I

Firdaus aka FiFi & I

Hazmi & I

Then after that i left(pang seh-ed..lol) the whole group and went to meet my other frens to club... guilty again.. lolz... but i think we left quite earli coz was a little tired from the night before.. haha...

Ok, so the next day(sun) was Mother's day... brought my Mum out for a nice dinner at Gillmard Village .. Then i went crazy again when clement called me.. after dinner, i met him and we went to Zirca! omg.. first time being there also.. lucky monday i was on off from work. 3 days clubbing! wohoo!!! partying away! and yes all these fo my birthday treat as well!!

ok.. then it was back to work for the week again... and the big party came!!! on friday 15th.. at costa sands Pasir ris where i had my chalet and dinner party..

turn out was great, got 2 chalets and lots of ppl... damn dint take a lot of photos though and not with everyone!! argh!!!

Me and my Big super yummy hazelnut chocolate cake.. it went off really fast!

My family

HSC Band/Alumni band

HSC cell

My poly Clique

SAF Band -batch 77

My hangout buddies!!

Some of my teaching collegues

Childhood friend Matthew

My Cam Whore buddy Esther!

Robin & I

Bernard & I

Clement & I

My buddy benji & I

so some of my friends stayed over and i zonked out around 5am... Met my besti dickson for lunch at this Jap Resturant in E-hub.. then went for movie.. haha. watched Angels and Demons.. Not bad bah..

k, so it was already around 6+ after the movie.. i had another party plan that evening.. haha.. Yes, club again of coz.. with some of my frens..

Ok.. failed attempt on my hp cam..
Me(looking fat), Benjamin, Cheris

Cheris & I... gosh my face is super red...

Ian, Me, Cheris, Shermie.. i think Benjamin is hidden behind! haha...

yea... so thats whats have been happening so far.. cool eh... 1 more party though.. haha.. Kinda big and long.. my band superior said 'i'm the queen of england ah? birthday so long'......so many ppl thought it was my 21st! gosh! thats old for me now! 'well its my 21st birthday rehearsal!" wahahahah!!!

Ok, its a chiong week for me this week.. still with the NDP recording, 2 Welcome ceremonies at istana, Band practices, Sat with NDP rehearsal, Sunday with a concert! wow!!! and i am exhausted already!!! NO!!!..

alrights... this is how much u have missed if u dint come to my party/ parties/ outings! lolz... lots more pictures on my facebook k!

will update soon!...

i'm 20!....

2009-05-05T23:24:00.006+08:00

hey all

Its my birthday! =]

birthday extravegenza started on sat! haha..had a good night out then and of coz meeting 'P'! haha...

Sunday went out with my family and god-bro daniel for dinner.

Daniel & i

my sis and I

Kim & I

Today.. guess its just alright for me though..coz i was at work as usual!.. But my army band batch mates brought me out to a Jap dinner after in town... treated me to a surprise birthday cake too..really sweet.

KokWey & I

Johnathan & I

Victor & I

Wei loong & I

Wei Lung & I

And there's the cake! haha...

ok.. so will have a few more mini parties for my birthday this coming 2 more weekends.. haha.. seems like a rather big one hor! haha...

Hope my 20th yr will be a good one.. =]

Round 1 of Birthday fest!...

2009-05-03T11:01:00.003+08:00

Hey all

I finally went out yesturday evening..after 4 days of just staying home and not even looking out of my balcony or window..

I actually planned to have dinner and then maybe club with my clubbing friends as a pre bday outing. but no one was free this weekend.. sobs.. so i almost cancelled out. Lucky 2 ppl said they going clubbing.. yayz.. at least half of the plan...

k, so i met Corin at tanjong pagar and we walked to the club...most of my other khakis were not around last night.. so tagged along with corin. dint really fit in with his friends though.. not sure why... after that we went to the dance floor and we all were dancing.. and for 80% of the time, i just felt kinda alone.. i just look at all his friends and the rest of the ppl around, everyone is coupled up! omg! i'm suchb a loner.. that 2 mins was just horrible, being pushed around by dancing ppl and that thought in my head.

k...anyways... after that.. i met someone though...=] i hope its not going to just be a fling..opps... i did enjoy myself with "P".. yupz.. saved by 'p' from isolation last night. of coz the rest of the evening is 'sensored to my mind'! wahaha!! sound so wrong! haha...

I dint get to meet XiaoQiang there also... he said he was dacing somewhere but it was too crowded..

ok... so its 2 days to my birthday... so round 1(club) done... today is round 2..i wonder what my NS cell is going to do though. then in the evening, myfamily and my god-siblings are taking me out for bday dinner at gilmard village...

yupz.. its gonna be an eventful couple of weeks of birthday stuff.. i hope.. lolz..

high fever...

2009-05-01T14:21:00.003+08:00

Hey all

some of u already know that i was sick over the last few days... came down with fever on monday after my rehearsal at SAFTI...

still went on to work on tuesday for the Jap navy band exchange and the actual DMG performance... i so regreated it though i had no choice...went to the docs that evening and my temperature was 38.9.... damn.. so high!had a terrible gastric too... i came home and it went up to 39.1! argh!!!

was told that if it goes up even more, i may be hospitalised! AND NO! ITS NOT THE SWINE FLU!!!!

k.. fever onli came down yesterday so my whole wednesday was 'baking hot' jon...

feeling a lot better now... my fever is gone.. but the gastirc is still bugging me.. sighz....

ok.. uplodaed this song.. something different after a while.. but its so how i'm feeling now! argh!!!

ok.. so i need to be in tip-top condition soon for my bday! and the few weeks of celebration!

sick!!

2009-04-27T18:49:00.007+08:00

Hey all

Its been a while..

so My last week has been ok i guess...

As i last left off... i went out with benji and xiaoQiang... cam whored a bit with them and a few other friends...

benji & I

Me,Clement,Benji

Clement,Me,benji,robin

Ian,me,Clement,Robin

benjamin,me,clement,robin

So hanged put with them till really late.. got home like 4.45am and slept at 5! haha... wads even funny was i got up at 9.. my mum asked the family to go to sentosa for the day! wah shag!!

Some pics

Kim & I

Family

ok.. so nothing much again over the week the same usual army stuff..

Sadly today i am sick.. sobz.. my whole body just collapsed after i came back from work... tried to nap but cant lo... and tml i have a performance to do lahz!!! darn!!!

Body kinda aches lo... HOW HOW!! and my bday is in 1 week lor.. i cant get sick now!!!

tired...

2009-04-18T11:39:00.003+08:00

Hey all

This week have finally passed...

The usual at work.. Just that the last few weekdays, i am feeling really tired.. yah.. and if i nap, i jsut dont want to get up;.. the total lack of sleep.

k.. so last night i was at anuty Koushu and Uncle Raghu's 25th wedding anniversary.. haha..real cool...

today, going out in the evening for dinner with Benji.. then meeting xiaoqiang after that.. lol..

k, so monday i am on BO duty.... to have to stay in again.. at least i'm foinf it with Wei loong.. so i have some good company... I hope the coming week will be eventful... getting really mundane....

k, nth much le...i think..seeya!

Trip to malaysia -batch 77...

2009-04-12T09:06:00.009+08:00

hey all

Its the good friday weekend.. Went to malaysia with some of my batch mates from band =]
was pretty fun!

We started out meeting for breakfast at bugis macdonalds.. and then took a bus to woodlands check point..

kok Wey making stupid faces.. lol

Slutty Jeryl.. haha

It was all good and no traffic on the causeway =]
so when we got to JB.. we walked around City square.. nothing really much there though... so we took a cab to Jusco.. apparently JB's biggest mall

Jon and I

Kok wey and jon

OMG sensored! haha...

So when we got to Jusco, we had our lunch at this restaurant called Nando's.. chicken and beef place.. fod not bad bah..and CHEAP!!!
and of coz camwhored a lot there too!

jon,me,Wei loong

So the place was really big!!! lots of shops and stuff.. very much like another vivo city...We went to Buskin Robbins for Desert too.. Was really really good.. so much ice cream!!!

and as usual having fun with the cam

k, so we went to play at the arcade a little and did some shopping =] i bought 2 volumes of compliations of jap animation of Joe hisaishi's shows.. wohoo!!!

evening came and we headed back to city square and had dinner at Kenny Rogers...and the last part b4 we left was... J.CO donuts!!! haha.. was cheap there lahz...

Yup.. was a good day out with the guys!

Thanks guys for a good short holiday trip!!!

eat eat eat...

2009-04-13T15:54:00.005+08:00

Hey all

another update..

Met with Benji at Yio Chu kang for tennis... it was raining in the morning.. but it stopped when it was time to play..sadly we had to clear the water away.. so tiring lo..haha... it was a good game though.. havent played for so long lahz... haha...

After that Met with Esther at Dhouby Ghaut...went to look for Li Hong's present.. yup.. got him a real nice Mooks t shirt.. haha..hehe..i also got one.. haha

Then we went to Tamp Starbucks for Coffee =]

Went home to wash up while Esther Entertained my doggies!.. apparently she cam whored with them as well..

K, so we went for Li Hong's Bday chalet... Wow.. i ate so much manz!... and PICS!!!

Burt & I

Zhi Hao & I

Hongwei & I

Xue Ying & I

Razanah & I

Esther & I

Xue ying,me,Isaac,ManNing

HSCBAND!

batch '89! (with missing ppl of coz!)

haha...

today My officer brought the whole band to Rice Table at Orchard for a lunch alacarte buffet.. i feel so fat now manz! the whole weekend eating non stop.. now it has to stop! haha...

will update soon... =]

arghz...

2009-04-06T21:09:00.003+08:00

Hi all

its been abt 2 weeks since i last updated..

really been busy.. well i have had time online too lahz.. but just a lazy to blog..

SYF started last monday...I dont want to start blogging abt syf.. too sian liao...

So sat i went out with Benji! went to watch the preview of "knowing"... not bad bah..u should catch it, it comes out this week i think..Then after that his other friend came to join us and we went for dinner at Maxwells...I ended up having a free dinner of hokkien mee.. i realised the uncle dint ask for his money after i left lor! haha..

Then we went clubbing a bit too.. was so crowded lahz.. more then the usual size.. oh wells.. Bumped into some farmiliar faces there too =]

k, i left for home on the bus at 3.15am and reached home at 4.45!!! gosh!!! so long lahs!

k.. finally got some photos of lynn's wedding lunch that day! haha..

haha.. all the teachers!

well.. this week i am on Duty Musician post.. so sian lors!!! argh! cant wait for the weekend!!

Carnival over...

2009-03-29T09:02:00.005+08:00

Hey all

Back again to blog...

Yesterday was busy busy day..

Went to Hai Sing earli in the morning to prepare for the carvival. The alumni Band Put up a performance at the foyer at Noon.

some pictures..

Group photo with Alumni!!!

My Bassoon Junior Angus, wah become alumni liao! haha

My bassoonies!!

So after , i went home to rest.. i was super tired.. the whole day was just so so so so HOT!!

But evening, had a BBQ at my place... my sis was celebrating her 19th Birthday...
Was ok i guess lahz...

The Infamous Tazmanian devil cake!

My Family

My god-Brothers and sisters..
From left: Gerad,Me,Daniel,Mum,Valerie,Kim,Jasmine,Dad,Jer Blinn

Kim and I

alrights.. to one performance is down... and SYF starts tml.. finally.. just want it all to end quickly lor... haiz.. tired liao...

The last couple of days have been a little emo also... haiz... sometimes thinking abt things is inivitable... how to tell ppl not to think about it or dont think too much? when it come, it comes... onli way is to keep urself busy from being too free to think abt things...

I wish things were better lor... i just feel very neglected lo.. everything just seem to be on surface level. u know, i get ppl telling me that i'm lucky to be doing the things love and im put in good positions.. but after doing this so much(and yes i do love it), i realise my relationships with ppl are not as soild as how it should be> and being so busy and tired at times, its not making my sensitivity to ppl and better too..and i this point, i'm sorri, but life sucks.