Hey all...

I was just thinking abt life again....call me emo all u want,... but i was just reflecting abt some stuff...

Did i mature too fast in my teens? well my main thoughts are abt friends.


I must admit, i was the smart one when i was in my earli years.. growing up at 11 and 12 years old... At that age, if u behaved like ur 18 or even 21, u had the attention from everyone. adults would think u were very bright, and even from ur own frens who would look up to u coz u knew more then them.

Did i take it too far? growing up in my teen years, i was known to be the serious one. Very textbook based and very Mummy's boy.
I prefered to listen to adults conversations rather then join in with the kids in the room during parties. i found it more interesting to study stuff more than just play..

Dont get me wrong, i did have my share of play times.. soccer with my god-bro along the corridor... collecting tamiya cars... just phases of time and interests.

But my "maturity' seem to have brought me to a place of social neglegence. not to people in general but people of my age and generation. As a result, i find myself in places where i am asked to lead... its a good thing though... leading my CCAS (scouts in primary school and Band in sec sch) and other stuff in school like head prefect in pri-sch, class reps, blah blah..

Really, it helped me grow more in my leadership and mangement.
But it also made me more mature.. forced to, in a certain extent. U had to be the cream above others, the role model, the example..well u get what i mean...And what happens, i found myself still mixing with ppl older than me.. I guess they seem to have what i was looking for or at least like what i was.

When secondary school came, life was refreshed from my primary school lifestyle. But i was still me. I was really busy then. Prefects' stuff, school work and of coz band. not to mention all my other commitments out of school also. it was like a 24/7 agenda to follow. And by then i had the apprciation for Band and classical music. Which now is what i am persuing as my future. But how often do u see or hear a 12 year old wanting to listen to a orchestra performance to learn from their performing techniques? that was me.

Now looking back at those times, i am happy i found what i love. I am happy with the things i have experienced. But did i forget to live my teenage-hood?

I guess i could say life really changed drastically for me when i left primary school. Things were different in secondary school.. U left behind ur best buddies in pri sch.. My 3 best buds Hwee Meng, Ivor and Shi Cai....one of which i bump into sometimes and talk to. and the other 2 which i totally lost contact. of coz the many other friends u had too.

And as u get older, u find that ppl are greatly influenced by friends and trends... But i guess as much as everyone is similar, i dint follow a lot. I dint play computer games like the other guys did/do. I dint follow the fashion trends..i had my onli sole trend(haha)... and this time in sec sch i dint have that many friends too. ppl i mixed with were band mates coz of similar interests.. mostly seniors and teachers. there again ppl of seniority.

graduating from sec sch, i aimed to find new friends.. JC life during my PAE was good.. i found ppl hu 'used their brains' a bit more of what i was looking for....sadly i dint continue in JC and went to poly.. not that my efforts were wasted but there was no chance for a deeper friendship there. Poly was 'great' in 50% in the sense of the word. I was part of a multi racial clique of 12 ppl. There again i planned to find friends. I did of coz.. my clique... but the lifestyle of poly wasnt really for me.. i just dint find myself able to click. not all ppl, but finding true friends there was tough, i just found many were just superficial. And of coz after my 1st yr exams i left.

And here i am...

as i prepare to enter NS in about 1 month. Hoping for true friendships again.

I really dont know anymore. Is it just me hu cant accept how ppl of my age and generation are? Y cant i click to my era?
I see some friends who come up to where i am at now but living that teenage life i kinda neglected.
Did i start off wrong in order to become right at the begining?

I started thinking a lot abt this and about friends. To think abt it, i am a loner ppl knows and works with... contradicts my own statement but thats kinda true. But i guess that is the result of how my teen years was developed.

I was talking to a friend about how many ppl are grouped as friends... unfortunatly in this era.. of coz not all reasons are wrong. But friends have similar personality, similar interests, calibre etc... I guess its been like that since a long time.
But sadly many or even majority have put in the points of physical similarities. Like looking the same. Similar race. similar family backgrounds.

Thats our world today.. Its difficult, yea i know too...being mixed race sometimes makes it harder to fit in as well...u have a trace of similar tradition like some others but ur not that true blood ppl mix with. U are kind of the exclusive one but to another extent u are excluded too. u just dont seem to have have what everyone has, or u have too much of what everyone is comfortable with.

being different is not always a bad thing... but there is a part where its bad anyways

Well thats my current thoughts and feelings now...again i clarify i am not emo-gonzales. just some personal thoughts which i want to share.

As of now i still dont know how i am going to solve this 'problem'. I cant turn back time to change my teen years. i have less than a year left as a teen. my other 6 years have gone to 'waste' in this particular area. But growing up still remains and still i seek that knowledge of being able to blend in with my generation..

Ppl, please do send me ur comments and thoughts on my tag bored k.. wanna know what ur thoughts are too..