hey all,

ok, its 2+am on a sat night and i cant sleep...

'u' finally found out my feelings this evening...and of coz it feels kinda awkward now.



i dont blame you 'u' for anything. really. its not your fault coz all this while i have been keeping it to myself. and furthermore, u have ur own rights to like who u want to like.

ah! darn... what have i done!? it makes things a lot messier now manz... everything seems so strange and now 'u' is going to treat me differently and feel awkward being around me. shit manz...

i kinda knew something like this was going to happen, coz it usually does. But i dint want to lie to you and myself to make things more suspended. and yes, it has finally happened.

I hearby declare myself a total idiot.

ok.. so from now on, i am going to GIVE UP on all this rubbish. yes! love, romance, relationships, mutual attraction. its all fake and DOES NOT EXSIST! at least not in my life. I'm sorri to all those whom i'ved scared by telling u my feelings coz i know my standards of ppl are high, but i have not taken a good look at the mirror myself.

if the right one comes then fine.. but i've had it with trying to fall of anyone anymore. its been TOO LONG and painful over numerous occasions of having to face this time and time again. i will have to force myself to shut my eyes from now on. why, coz i just end up going to a state where i am just kinda usless (which honestly i am) when i reveal my feelings.

yes. so i am in this state officially. it sucks. if u wanna encourage me, pls do it tactfully, of coz if anyone bothers in the first place.. considering if anyone actually reads my posts nowadays also...

k, i better stop now b4 i end up cursing myself even more. =[

hey all..

i found this somewhere...its sips of the SAF band concert... enjoy...

http://www.razor.tv/site/servlet/segment/main/lifestyle/14730.html

http://www.razor.tv/site/servlet/segment/main/lifestyle/14738.html

http://www.razor.tv/site/servlet/segment/main/lifestyle/14736.html

http://www.razor.tv/site/servlet/segment/main/lifestyle/14740.html

Hey all...

sighs...


Have i lost 'u'? I think i have.

I have been contemplating too much..taken too long and now u seem like u r fading away. And soon ur attention maybe elsewhere.

DOnt get me wrong, i am not suggesting anything.

i dont know.. lately i realised u have been getting further away. and i must admit that our distance away so far does make the heart grow fonder.
But it also means that u are more vunerable to being stolen faster.

i may be thinking too much, but i just feel like we are not communicating as much lately too. dont know why but i have a feeling u kinda know my feelings for u already? and u feel awkward too?(likely bcoz u dint expect it and dont share the same for me).. well this is kind sad and bad too..if u already know that i like u, pls do come and talk to me about it k.. ust be brave and tell me u know.. at least i am not trying to force something on myself for the wrong reasons. i really hope nothing will stainour friendship.

oh wells.. i cant just 'not like u' just like that. I'm not fully certain about why the distance between us, and i do hope it does improve. I dont want u to fade away from me.. i'm starting to fall for u more and more, how do i let something being drawn in my heart be erased like that?

Thanks to those who advised me on what to do. although its just Small kid(wei loong) and jeryl. but sadly i have put ur advise to vain.


ok, i am also starting to feel a little distant from my batch people. i really dont know why this is happening.. maybe coz we are not spending time during the day when we are in our different bands. sigh, losing frens again.. i dont want to face the whole drama about short term frens(read my older post to find out why i hate this!)

i really hope that our bond will be just as united as it was b4. i mean i dont want us to split up and feel like we had a relationship b4 and now when we all see each other, its going to be a mere "hello" only.


I know that this is nothing new to many of u(if there any in the first place) about being alone and stuff.. but the whole feeling just kind of suck.it really does. How do u put a facade outside all the time to show that nothing is wrong? it gets tiring and just wish that things were just better the way u want it..
Why cant my relationship life be better? Am i jinxed in both 'love' and frens? or am i doing something wrong all the time?

if anyone wants to comment or advice, pls do so, i do tresure advice. especially when life just seems a little blur all the time...

Hey all,

i was meaning to write here this afternoon again.. but i was out.. so nvm.. i shall do it now...
This post is not hinting on anything.. just a mere place for me to voice my thoughts out.


ok...so my feelings lately.. hmmz...i currently dont know where my heart is lately...i've been so busy with my music exams and concert. Been distracted a lot.

but of coz there is this infatuated side of me with 'u' slowly being engraved in. i dare say that its not like other puppy love kinds where i 'fall in love' so fast and it usually is quite ridiculous.

I not really sure how to put it bah...really mixed feelings.. i dont mean that i have mixed feelings about liking 'u'. its just that.. one one side, i'm kinda anxious and with this restless feeling, just waiting to explore more than just having this as a one sided affair.

But on the other hand, i'm thinking, whats the point.. am i going to be rejected again like the many others. is it worth it?


If i do express it to 'u',

result:
1.we live happily ever after
conculsion: =]
2.'u' reject me and imagined nth ever happened
conculsion: well i'll try harder? haha kidding.. but better than nothing.
3.'u' reject me and our normal friendship suffers coz likely u will avoid me making everything awkward.
conculsion: i'll be totally heart broken and likely also blame myself for ruining everything.


is it realy worth it? So will say just go and ask, u never know if it maybe a plus. But i really think that the thing that stinks is when u start to like a friend. coz things can turn out nasty and u end up losing a good friendship in the end..

another thought..I want to be loved and accepted for who i am... Sadly i think most ppl do go for the standards of looks and stuff.. yes i am guilty at that at times too. but i wish that ppl would also love and accept me for my looks and flaws. taking me as a whole for who i am, my strengths and weaknesses.
I think its important for ppl who are considering relationships or are in one to have lots of accomdate to each other's weaknesses and love them through it. of coz we can help each other to improve ourselves. but really enjoying every moment even if we are not perfect.



when will i ever get the chance to say that i care and want to be part of ur life. Am i ready to take the risk just for my feelings (of coz 'u' will be happy too) or just stay silent suffering inside so that we can stay cordial.

HOW!!!!


pls... ppl do comment or write on my tag board! who knows, u may even be the one i am talking about! and no, pls do not beg for the person's name.. i need advice!!

Hey all,

Thursday, had my day off... afternoon went with Mdm Zaibon to do the SYF rehersal balloting for secondary schools... oh manz.. it was a long a boring afternoon...after that Got treated to starbucks for coffee.. Thanks mdm Zaibon.. lolz..

ok, so suppose to go to Ngee Ann Poly band. Conrad has been asking me to play with them for their concert... So i went to Clementi mrt at 6... and waited, and waited, and waited, and waited.. finally at 7.30... Conrad picked me up.with weishu, lye huat and kokwey...

ok.. band was interesting.. haha.. those who went would know what i meant... haha.. and i forced conrad to send me home! haha...

ok.. friday, nothing much at work... went to play table tennis with my batch band B&C...

evening.. met with some my band batch guys for dinner(lye huat, weishu, daniel, jeryl, wei loong, victor, conrad, kokwey)... Went to Shokudo Japanese restaurant at Raffles City.. crowded manz.. then adjourned to Starbucks where Daniel treated us to coffee!

so nothing much lately bah... still in a daze and sleepy mood.. yawns...

Hey all

SAF Band Concert is finally over! hahas.... it was fun.. but i'm totally dead beat now! wahah!!

At least i managed through my solos! lolz...i Tried my best for it!....

some photos!...


Me with Colonel Colburn (The president's own, US marines Band)



With my Double Reeds SL-Liang You



and my irritating Bassoon mate Muthu..




overall, everything went ok bah...happy i have an off today.. so i'm just going to do what i want later... sigh, came down with cough and lots of phlegm....

THANKS TO ALL WHO CAME FOR THE CONCERT LAST NIGHT!!! ESPECIALLY MY BATCH 77 mATES!!! SO NICE TO SEE U SITTING BEHIND ME!!! (except lyehuat who went to see muthu's out of tune notes.. haha...like Woo-oh!) JUST SO SAD WE DINT GET A CHANCE TO TAKE PICTURE!!!! NEXT TIME BAH!!! haha..

Hey all

I finally passed out from Training Wing...Received my Cert of completion and Overall Merit in my Exams... haha.. i was hoping for a distinction.. short of a little.. but oh wells.. it doesnt matter... as long i made it though it all...

So today seemed a little strange in atmosphere within the batch.. at least thats how i felt. Today seemed like a much quieter day... and a lot of strange emotions towards each other.. hmmz... or maybe i'm jsut thinking too much..

yupz... so we have all been given out band postings le... Got into Central band... Quite ironic when actually i've already been pulled in there to play for the coming concert.

Well, i'm having a lot of luke-warm feelings and emotions now about coming out from training wing... hmmz.. not very sure i'f i am as excited to go in my band as much as before...

I kinda enjoyed the time in TW. (being bullied and being called "bassoon" as well!)

Well 5 of us will be in Central band.. 7 in Band A and 4 in Band B.... haiz.. all split up... sad liaoz.. sobs sobs....

PLS remember me hor!!!(and lye huat go "huh! WoOOO") i really hope that despite being all split up, out batch will still be really close yea..

Ok, Jeryl did this on his blog.. so i'm going to do it...

Yes our photo!..



this is currently the onli one where the whole batch is there...

I'm going to miss u guys.. especially those who really stuck with me and 'bitched' with me also..

Concert is in 2 days! ah!!! tml i'll be like totally busy lahz... practice is from morning till night!!! rehearsal at esplanade tml night... full full day!!!

alrights, thats all for now... I'm going to miss u Batch 77!!! yes we must still stick together and stay close though we are in different bands!

Hey all..

Wow i honestly dint realise i dint blog for 1 whole week.. haha

This week has been busy.. real busy...

My graduation from training wing has been postponed to monday instead.. that means another 1 more day in No. 4 uniform. sianz.... Well i really hope the graduation plan goes well...AH!! victor is not going to be there! ENJOY UR CRUISE!!! haha

So this week as been really busy... I really wanted to be as involved in the graduation prep as much as i can. But i aslo had to go for full band practice. So i had to go for crash course sessions to learn my dance stuff! haha...

Yest evening, went for Johnathan's concert at tp. Went with my army batch mates. Some came over to shower first b4 going...

some pics...

So some of my batch mates (frm left: KokWey, WeiLung, LyeHuat, Johnathan, Me, Wei Loong, Jeryl)




Met my Hai Sing Alumni peeps there too (clockwise: Me, Isaac, Li Hong, WeiJie, ManNing, Mei Juan, Razanah, Zhuang Shu)



yupz.. so we went to a nearby macs for dinner after the concert. super super hungry.. Like what lyeHuat would say, SUPRA hungry.. haha...yea nice evening altogether, sat there talking till 2am..

Really having fun with my batch mates.. most of them are kinda cool lahz.. haha...

alrights.. will update soon! seeya all!...

Hey all

Went for NCO POP yesterday at CCAB... was alright... mEt with a few of my sec sch batch mates..ManNing, Wei Jie and Chelsea..oh, and Chelsea's mum.... Went for dinner at Pasir Ris central... THANK U ANUTY FOR THE DINNER!!!! (CHEL, better tell ur mum for me hor!)

Today, i was like practically out the whole day... went to khim and terrence house for their baby;s 1 month.. sighs.. got back at 7.15 and started on my bassoon!
Monday is exams and i am so not ready lahz... My scales are not done yet summore!

Tml is full force!! the whole afternoon for my Bassoon!

Ok, so this next 2 weeks will be a nevry very very tiring 2 weeks for me... haha... i can foresee that... coz.. this week.. i'm suppose to be preparing for my graduation presentation and performance which is on friday... BUT!!!! Monday - Thursday, i have full band practice from morning till book out... so lots lots to do... and concert is in 11 days!

The US Marines band people will be coming on Wed.. should be fun... onli hope i can get my pieces done by then! haha...Stress! wootS!


ok... so i realised my friends have not been blogging a lot also.. All my precious contacts whom i linked are not regularly blogging lahz!! PPL!!! PLS Blog.. so when i am having a break(which is my onli free times) i can be entertained by ur blogs!!!
haha...

k.. thats for now... seeya!...

Hey all

My week so far has been ok i guess...

Monday- hmmz..this was a very interesting day! haha... we had Aural lesson in the morning...drills.... BUT the white house(my band building on top of a hill) had a water problem from morning. And it seems it was kinda serious not having water in the water coolers and toilets...SO, we were allowed to leave camp! wohoo!!!!
So i decided to visit my grandma in Yishun... haha.. spents the afternoon with her a bit then went for dinner at NorthPoint...

Tuesday- Morning had an Aural mock test. then from 10+am - 430pm I was down with Central band for practice.. so happy we dint go through Symphonic Dances..i'm like dying with that song! long day!

Wednesday- Ooo morning went through Drill lesson...was a really really really really hot morning! my t shit was like drenched!!!! ok, so after lunch, AURAL TEST!!! Cpt Yusri was our examiner. Went ok i guess.. There after, we had to do some planning for my batch graduation...

Today- morning was a mock drill test. Gosh, i have to play the cymbals lah! and i am a Bassoonist lor! according to my friends, i was like practically playing of beast throughout! haiz...how!!! anyways i scored 22.5/30 (20 to pass) for the drill test... made one drill mistake onli... k, then we had our NO.3 uniform inspection.. Afternoon was full band with Cpt Tan..
After Band, MSG Hassan suddenly came in and us the 3 trainees to pack up and go for taloring for concert shirt... wow... rushed down tot this ulu place in Tiong Bahru...

oh wells... i'm starting to feel kinda drained! i honestly cant wait for the coming concert on the 19th to end... so many things happening at the same time.. Yest aural test, Drill test tml having to play symbals for 2 times onli!, Practical test on monday, US marines Masterclasses next week, preparing for gradation next friday, Concert on the 19th.. ah!!!

Hopefully everything will be a lot more at pace after the concert too!!!
kk.. update soon!!!

Hey all

I'm getting a little stressed, agitated, tired, restless and sometimes PMS and emo lately..

I'm kinda feeling a little overwhelmed with some things.. both in work and outside..

Concert is coming up in 17 days and i am not prepared yet, lots of parts not settled and i am really scared i screw this first concert up.
My practical exam is in 1 week time and i have not fully completed my 3 songs and not memorized my scales yet..there just seem to be no time for a full proper practice.
Aural test should be soon and i am still rather hanging on my standard.
I am totally clueless on some parts of my drill test.
Planning for alumni is also stressful with the focus u need to give and set.
my weekends seem to revolve around me(which i should sometimes coz i need time to myself) and i seem to struggle having time to go for cell and to go for meetings.


I'm trying to stay positive and happy but its rather hard at times. sadly i go into this emo state again. trying to please friends, sure i dont mind. but sometime i wish they would do things for me too. Friendship works both ways rite? Oh wells.. maybe i'm just in my 'depressed' mode again. darn...

ok.. enough for this...

I LOST MY WATCH ON THURSDAY!!!
AHH!!! my beloved DF collection watch! i though i put it into my bag before leaving camp on thursday and i just cant seem to find it. went back on friday and its nowhere to be found! Sobs Sob!

On a lighter note, i finally bought myself a Digicam! wohoo! FUjiFilm Z100... really sleak and stylo manz!this is how it looks..I got it in black and sliver! wohoo!!

http://www.fujifilm.com/products/digital_cameras/z/finepix_z100fd/index.html


Yea.. oh had a surprise party at Renhao's place for his birthday yesterday evening too.. wohoo! fun playing Taboo and Bear & hunter.. haha. i was a really sucessful bear! hahah..

Group picture!


alrights!, will update sooN! seeya!