.Sunday, October 18, 2009 ' 3:41 pm
Leaving a lasting impression
Hey all
I'm back..
This last month has been a pretty tiring month. Physicially and Emotionally... its been tough, squeezing off every ounce of energy i have...
the last month or so, have not been feeling all that well. been in and out of fever, headaches, colds, soarthroats, and just fatigue..and i know it wont go away anytime soon...sighz...
Have been doing really tiring parades under the sun, really tanned now...i hope things will slow down soon...
Dad is finally home from the hospital after 2 1/2 months... quite a number of adjustments to be made at home. i am just not ready for another 'commitment' at home. to have to pick up after him. well most of the things are done by my maid, but the pressure is still at our shoulders.
My sis is also not really contributing much to ease anything.Just really pissed with her all the time. her attitude and character is just worse than mood swings.. more like a psycopath... I try not to bother.. but she is just making things so difficult. Is it always so easy to blame ppl, where u dont realise u are the cause of most of the problems! If i could say it, i'll tell u 'fuck care, and leave, u always think no one cares for u, then leave, thats what u prefer too, since u always complain abt the family' If u ever read this KIM, FUCK U! i had it with u. u dont realise how much mummy and daddy especially does for u. the amount of time, energy and money spent on u. They even spent so much money to put u to a university and u wasted it by not completing. u said u wanted to do it, but u countered back and said u were forced. u freaking dint even complete u O levels and u want to fight back and think u are smarter? please, u need wake up call, period.
U can carry on saying to everyone the things u say abt me, how u publicise abt me. But it seems that that is the onli thing u can say rite? coz u have nothing credible to fight on. U may be phsycally stronger and fight, u can shout as loud at anyone, but u can never outwin those who have brains and can think for themselves. u will eventually loose and u will be outcasted. u will never win, coz nth u seem to do makes sense. I really wonder why u need so much attention? u have enough, there is nth more anyone can give u, coz nth u ask for will come, since u never appreciate things, and u expect everything to just work for u. Reality check. this is no fairy tale. So wake up asshole!
My personal life is not all that awesome also, but i have come to that point where i know i cant get what i want, not most of the time. Its really fine, coz i know that life is always unfair, just a matter of how bad it can be. Well for me, i think, its a more like i am meant to run this life much less than on my own.
Well, on a lighter side, i'm planning a trip to Hong kong with Dickson in Nov.. it should be fun bah. i seriously need a break from everything. like a real break, some space to breath and really settle my mind to things...
K, so my biggest project now is the HSC 50th anniversary gala dinner perf. lots to do, organise and plan. and i really hope it'll be a good perf.
Oh, some pictures of the chamber concert i did last mth..
yea, well, finally to all that has been happening, this is the most dear to my heart lately.. "F", u know who u are, if u ever read my blog that is. I know its been really hard for u. i understand.. and i am still here for u, as i said before, i'll wait for u right here, i'm always a buzz away.
But through it all, for the past 3 weeks or so, i get this feeling i am no longer part of that fond feeling anymore. More like a memory waiting to fade away, and u just need to keep away. and its ok. i understand. I've been on my own for a long time.and i know i dont deserve u either. I treasure the time we had, and it was something i knew was great, and i really enjoyed myself with u. somethings i have never felt before. As cliche as it sounds, there is some truth in the experience. I'm not here letting u go, but just telling u that it is fine that i'm not the one u desire.
U know i will never lie to u, and i rather be honest abt my feelings too. And its not been the easiest of weeks for me too, but i respect how u feel, and really dont want u to worry abt me, u have ur weight of burden, i'm sorri i sound selfish. i hope this doesnt weigh anything lesser than what we may have had and things will be good. (ok, i know everything sounds so vague, so ask me if i'm bluring the intentions of the msg k). For what its worth, i'll still be here for u, and i'll still be waiting for that buzz yea.
